"What happened?.. I got fat."

Diet started (again!) today, wasn't a brilliant start, but I did resist having a chocolate biscuit when I offered them to the kids, and I had salad twice (I NEVER eat salad!).

I seem to spend most of my life saying I'm on a diet, going on a diet, or having a day off from my diet! And yet I've weighed exactly the same for the past 4 years, not just 'about' the same, exactly the same.

I think its safe to say my relationship with food is pretty messed up, I use food as a way of showing my emotions, which is a completely wrong way of thinking. I need to eat to live not live to eat. I need to show my feelings instead of eating them!

Writing helps, I find it easier to write what I'm feeling than to say it. So this is where my blog comes into it, never really used it much before, but now I am going to try to write regularly (at least once a week) not especially for anyone to read but just for me to get things off my chest. Saying this the cable for my laptop has just broken, so until I get a new one I wont be posting anything!

Impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And now when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did...

Walk Away

Once again I walk away
There's no turning back this time baby
Once again I walk away
Every step I leave you behind me

Once again I walk away
Determined this time you'll be sorry
Once again I walk away
If you asked me you know that I'd stay

I walk away, I walk away
But I know that I'll be back again
I walk away, I walk away
But I know that I'll be back again

Once again I walk away
There's no turning back this time baby
Once again I walk away
Every step I leave you behind me

Once again I walk away
Determined this time you'll be sorry
Once again I walk away
If you asked me you know that I'd stay

I walk away, I walk away
But I know that I'll be back again
I walk away, I walk away
But I know that I'll be back again

All About Me

Me

I think I’m ugly sometimes.
I have many scars.
I tan easily
I wish my hair was a different colour.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair colour.
I have a tattoo
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I’ve had/got braces.
I’d get plastic surgery if it was 100% safe, free and scar free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercing.
I have piercings in places other than my ears.


Family/home life:

I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.


Embarrassment:

I’ve slipped out a”lol” in a spoken conversation.
Some Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve snorted while laughing.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve laughed till drink came out my nose.
I’ve had my trousers rip in public.


Health:

I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve had stitches.
I’ve broken a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had serious surgery.
I’ve been in hospital for over a week.
I’ve had chicken pox.

Travelling:

I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Australia.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve been to America.
I’ve been to England.
I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve been to Spain.

Experiences:

I’ve been lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve seen a comet.
I’ve gone out in public in my pyjamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve played spin the bottle.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve met someone in person from the internet.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’ve eaten sushi.
I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships:

I’m single.
I’m in a relationship.
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’m seeing someone.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I miss someone right now.

I have a fear of abandonment.

I’ve been divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
I’ve told someone I liked them when I didn't.
I’ve told someone I didn't like them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Honesty/crime:

I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.

I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.

I am keeping a secret from someone.

I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve been suspended from school.
I’ve witnessed a crime.

I’ve been in a fight.

I’ve been arrested.

21 Years Ago

Hello, my name is Chloe and in 8 days I am turning 21.

This may not seem significant to you, however when I was younger, I had a list of things that I wanted to have done by the time is was 21; I have done hardly any of what I wanted to do.

By now I imangined I would be married and maybe have a child, I had a list of places that I wanted to go and things I wanted to there. So far in my short existance I have done quite a lot though.

I've been to: Australia - Adelaide,The Giant Rocking Horse, Jacobs Creek vineyard and other places around that area I can't really remember what they were called (I was 2 at the time!); South of France - Nice, Cannes, Monaco and the prison where the man in the iron mask was held; in Marocco I swam with dolphins; in Egypt I rode a camel across the desert and went diving in the Red Sea; Majorca; Belguim; Turkey; in Switzerland I went to the Verzasca Dam, which is what Pierce Brosnan jumped off, as James Bond, in the begining of Goldeneye; In Italy I was driven rounde the roads that feature in the car chase at the begining of Quantum Of Solace.

I walked down a street in Milan next to Robert Lindsay from My Family, he was carrying a small child on his shoulders, I presume it was one of his children but I never asked!
I shock hands with Anton Rodgers from May to December, (I had no idea who he was then and still don't now!) outside a pub in Witham.
I passed Richard Wilson, from One Foot In The Grave, on the stairs in Harrods when I was about 9.
I saw Angela Rippon in Stanstead Airport, she had just finished her lunch & I was going to get a drink with James, who was stuffing his face with a chocolate bar, and he walked straight into her. She was wearing a white suit and he was covered in chocolate, not a great combination!
Also in Stanstead Airport, I was in W H Smith buy some wine gums, when I got tapped on the shoulder and asked if I was 'that girl' from Home and Away. I replied, in my Essex accent, with a 'What?!' and the girl went 'obviously not cos your not Australian' and walked off.

When I look at the crumples piece of paper with my 11 year old hand writting on it, I hope in the next 21 years I can cross a few more things off my list.

Shoes, shoes, shoes & more shoes

I LOVE shoes!

These are the latest addition to my collection:



Two years ago I had 72 pairs of flip flops, pumps, stilettos & boots and not enough space to store them. So instead of sorting through them and getting rid of the ones that I didn't really wear, I had a closet built! The only problem was I still didn't have enough room for them all! I'm now down to a respectful 45 pairs of shoes.





It is physically impossible for me to walk into a shop, that sells shoes, and not try at least 10 pairs on and buy one, if not two pairs. I love getting my shoes home, carefully taking the lid off the box and folding back the tissue paper to reveal my gorgeous new purchase!

Lie-in's

What is it about lie-in's that kids don't understand? I have 3 younger brothers and they think that if they're not up by 7.30 then they're gonna miss out on something (even though the rest of us don't surface til about 10!) It wouldn't be so bad if, when they got up, they watched t.v or played on the wii QUIETLY, but oh no! They have to make as noise as possible arguing over who is and isn't allowed in each others bedroom, then they have a tug of war with the bedroom door, slamming it, then opening it, then slamming it, then opening ... you get the idea. This usually carries on for about an hour (the reason why I now wear ear plugs!) my parents, who's bedroom is downstairs, are blissfully unaware of the turf war that is raging upstairs. Then suddenly it will go quiet, which means I then have to get out of bed to check that they haven't killed each other! Sadly, no, all three are still alive and are now downstairs having breakfast, my cue to go back to bed before they realise I'm awake and come and start jumping on my bed!